The past three and a half years have involved a serious learning curve - motherhood. I am beginning to realize that I have resisted the major changes that have been going on in and around me and it is a slow process of coming to accept what my life looks like now. I always planned to be a mother, always said that my worst fear was not being able to have children. I have always loved kids and never thought twice about my plans to have "at least five". Oh the bliss of ignorance! It's not that I was particularly wrong - I do love children, I love my children and I do hope to have more of them. It's just that I thought I would be able to just continue living my life. Or that somehow my life would flow seamlessly into their life.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that after a significant breakdown this week, this is what came to me:
Girls,
You are the gift, and calling
given to me
the day I became a mother.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
I cried and cried, why can't I accept that being a mother is a legitimate and worthwhile way to spend a life? And so that became my goal for the next year. To put my whole self into mothering. To use my brilliant mind (now that's confidence), my creativity, my problem solving skills, my love for reading and research...all of my gifts, into being a mother. Is it possible? Don't know. Am I going to fail? Probably. Does that mean I shouldn't do it? Definitely not. Who has tried to change the world without knowing that their attempts are almost certainly doomed to failure? I would say very few.
Well, how's that for a blog post? A little out of the ordinary I guess. What I really wanted to share was a most incredible video that expresses all of this in a beautiful and inspiring and, for me, heart-wrenching two-and-a-half minutes. It makes beautiful the mundane work of mothering.
Thank you, friend, for sharing that with me. Someone remind me to watch this video on a regular basis this year to remind me of the magic of this time of my life. I don't see it now, but I know it's there.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that after a significant breakdown this week, this is what came to me:
Girls,
You are the gift, and calling
given to me
the day I became a mother.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
I cried and cried, why can't I accept that being a mother is a legitimate and worthwhile way to spend a life? And so that became my goal for the next year. To put my whole self into mothering. To use my brilliant mind (now that's confidence), my creativity, my problem solving skills, my love for reading and research...all of my gifts, into being a mother. Is it possible? Don't know. Am I going to fail? Probably. Does that mean I shouldn't do it? Definitely not. Who has tried to change the world without knowing that their attempts are almost certainly doomed to failure? I would say very few.
Well, how's that for a blog post? A little out of the ordinary I guess. What I really wanted to share was a most incredible video that expresses all of this in a beautiful and inspiring and, for me, heart-wrenching two-and-a-half minutes. It makes beautiful the mundane work of mothering.
Thank you, friend, for sharing that with me. Someone remind me to watch this video on a regular basis this year to remind me of the magic of this time of my life. I don't see it now, but I know it's there.
how did i miss this beautiful entry? so amazing and so wonderful; just as you are! nothing can be better in all the world than to be a mom and then a grandma! look at me...i still can't get enough of you and the babies. YOU are the best mom in the world for your girls and nothing gives me greater joy than to watch you mother and love them! i am so thankful and so proud!
ReplyDeleteUm ya, so I'm balling. You didn't tell me about the little shift your blog is taking. I need to watch that again.
ReplyDelete