Understanding Through Lists?

Making lists is something I find very satisfying, though I don't tend to be an overly organized person.  But maybe that's why this article made some sense to me.  I really like the idea of itemizing every single thing that I do as a stay-at-home mom.  I get a lot of help and the roles in this family are definitely not typical (my husband does what a LOT of husbands don't), but a lot of what she said still rings true.  I don't think a list, or agreement, as she mentions, would really solve a lot of problems, but I think for me it might just help to clarify what I'm dealing with and help me to make sense of the life I now have and will have for the foreseeable future (with baby 3 on the way).  It's not what I expected, and I think that's a big part of what makes it hard.  Perhaps understanding just exactly what it is that I do all day would help me (and maybe my husband) understand how I feel about it...

Hitting, Holding and Staylistening

There are a LOT of ways of raising kids and it seems to me that the easiest way to go is the way you were raised - it just comes naturally.  But I find that most of the time doing things according to instinct results in inconsistency and unpredictable behaviour from me.  And I know this does nothing to help my kids through the stages of exploration they are experiencing.  At the same time, it seems mostly futile to try to make myself into someone I'm not.  And so I am always keeping my eyes out for ways to refine and solidify what comes naturally to me - ways I can be myself in the best way.

Although it seems like a LOT of work, I think this might be one example of something that fits in to what I do naturally (when she hits or has a tantrum, my "ideal" response at this point has been to hold her so that she feels secure enough to let go of that anger), but takes it to the next level.  I find I'm always wondering how second and third children fit into these strategies, not to mention circumstances where you simply aren't or can't be your best self.  Regardless, I'll take inspiration where I can find it.

Magic in the Mundane

The past three and a half years have involved a serious learning curve - motherhood.  I am beginning to realize that I have resisted the major changes that have been going on in and around me and it is a slow process of coming to accept what my life looks like now.  I always planned to be a mother, always said that my worst fear was not being able to have children.  I have always loved kids and never thought twice about my plans to have "at least five".  Oh the bliss of ignorance!  It's not that I was particularly wrong - I do love children, I love my children and I do hope to have more of them.  It's just that I thought I would be able to just continue living my life.  Or that somehow my life would flow seamlessly into their life.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that after a significant breakdown this week, this is what came to me:

Girls,
You are the gift, and calling
given to me
the day I became a mother.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I cried and cried, why can't I accept that being a mother is a legitimate and worthwhile way to spend a life?  And so that became my goal for the next year.  To put my whole self into mothering.  To use my brilliant mind (now that's confidence), my creativity, my problem solving skills, my love for reading and research...all of my gifts, into being a mother.  Is it possible?  Don't know.  Am I going to fail?  Probably.  Does that mean I shouldn't do it?  Definitely not.  Who has tried to change the world without knowing that their attempts are almost certainly doomed to failure?  I would say very few.

Well, how's that for a blog post?  A little out of the ordinary I guess.  What I really wanted to share was a most incredible video that expresses all of this in a beautiful and inspiring and, for me, heart-wrenching two-and-a-half minutes.  It makes beautiful the mundane work of mothering.

Thank you, friend, for sharing that with me.  Someone remind me to watch this video on a regular basis this year to remind me of the magic of this time of my life.  I don't see it now, but I know it's there.

"Good Job"

As a parent I try to consider very seriously the words I use when I'm talking to my kids.  Gender issues and boundary issues are probably at the forefront of my mind most of the time - encouraging them to be themselves, make their own choices.  Towards that end, I try to avoid saying "good girl" when I want to affirm their behaviour.  I thought "good job" was a better choice since it was less about their identity as an acceptable person and more about the action or behaviour.  This article takes that idea to a whole new level and I love it.  I think it is a very important reminder to consider what it is, exactly, that you are trying to encourage in your child and then find a way to articulate that in a way they can understand. 

Doing Nothing

My dear friend sent me this quote from this amazing blog post and I thought it needed to be shared with every new mom.  So I'm storing it here in the hopes that when someone I know has a new baby, I'll remember it and send it to them.  If you're a new mom, read the post.  Here's the quote:

So the next time you find yourself wondering how another day is gone and nothing is done, stop. Hold your baby—feel the way that tiny body strains to contain this giant soul—complete, and full of potential all at the same time. Take a deep, slow breath. Close your eyes and measure your day not as tasks, but as feelings, as sounds, as colors. Exhaustion is part of it. And it’s true, you will get “nothing” done. But the hard parts will fade. The intense, burning love is what remains, and it is yours to keep forever.

Curiosity

This is an email my sister forwarded to me and I would really love to keep track of.  A few ideas on how to foster curiosity and endless learning in your kids at home.  This type of teaching is something that comes naturally to some parents, but can always be encouraged and expanded.

“Why, why, why?”: Embracing and encouraging curiosity

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“Why, why, why?”: Embracing and encouraging curiosity

Posted: 23 Jan 2013 02:44 AM PST

“I think, at a child’s birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

One of my favorite parts of being a teacher, and that I now love as a parent, is spending time with little ones who approach life with wondering, questioning, and exploring. Curiosity truly is a gift, and kids have it in abundance.
I strive to keep a zest for learning in my own life, and I also want to nourish that love of learning in my girls as they grow. Here are some of the ways we’re keeping the spark of curiosity in our daily life:

1. Slow down.

This one goes first, because I think it’s the most important. Kids need space in their day when there is no plan or structure. They need time to dawdle, daydream, and doodle. They need to follow their own interests and make their own observations. They should be bored sometimes and work their way out of it.
Keeping screen time in check is a good way to protect your child’s unstructured play time.
And, guess what? Grown-ups need all of this, too, which is probably why I only seem to have interesting ideas when I’m showering or trying to fall asleep at night. I’m trying to give myself more of this kind of time during the day – even if it’s just 15 minutes of letting my mind wander.

2. Write down questions and wonderings.

When my girls were toddlers and preschoolers, I used to jot down their funny questions and observations in my journal. When they got a little older, we would make posters or lists together of things we were interested in. We’ve kept a pad of sticky notes by our sliding glass door, and covered the window with our questions about the world.
Kids’ questions can come fast and furious sometimes. Validate their inquisitiveness by writing down their questions. Look together for the answers sometimes. It’s good to keep a list of all the things your family is interested in; you never know what may become a passion later on.
Our current record-keeping for questions is a stack of index cards on a ring. Sometimes, we bring our cards with us to the library and choose a question to research. Every once in a while, a question sparks a deeper interest, and we lug home a big stack of books on the topic for further research. It’s a wonderful chain-reaction of curiosity.

3. Read lots of great books.

After reading The Penderwicks, my girls wanted to learn Latin and become botanists. Frindle inspired their love for the dictionary and creating silly new words. There are so many rich and inviting books to transport you and your kids to different places and times. Reading great books fuels the imagination, builds vocabulary, and sparks interest. Read, read, read!

4. Curate a kid-friendly reference book shelf at home.

My girls love to read the dictionary. And, lately, they have been spinning the globe, landing on a country, and looking it up in the atlas. I recently rounded-up all our kid-friendly reference books from various spots around the house, and now find the girls using them a lot more. Plus, it’s fun to say “Check the reference shelf.” Ha!
Here are some books you might include on your reference shelf:

• Children’s dictionary and thesaurus
• Rhyming dictionary
• World atlas
• Foreign language books
• Field guides for trees, insects, mammals, etc.
• Star chart
• Animal encyclopedia
• How-to books (drawing, writing poetry, cooking, science experiments)

5. Be data-collectors.

There are all kinds of things to observe, count, record, and graph. We’ve made weather charts, tallied the various birds in our backyard, drawn moon phases for a whole month, and surveyed our friends and family about favorite foods and movies. This is meaningful work for kids, not to mention the math and thinking skills they’re building.

6. Provide access to creative materials and real tools (and junk, too).

Kids don’t need a ton of materials to inspire creativity and exploration. In fact, I would argue that less is more. However, it is nice to have some kid-friendly art materials available, a sketch book or journal, and a few real tools to try out. My girls enjoy using magnifying glasses, binoculars, a compass, and a student microscope. (Here’s the microscope we have – it’s affordable and awesome!)
Don’t throw all your egg cartons and cardboard tubes in the recycling. Whether you call it a junk box or an invention kit, kids will have a great time creating all kinds of crazy contraptions. Don’t forget the tape! We go through rolls and rolls of tape

BE who you want to be

WOW.  It only takes two minutes to significantly improve the outcomes of your life.  Watch this TED talk.  She explains how in her study, individuals were told to stand in a "high power" pose or a "low power" pose (picture Wonder Woman and someone texting), for two minutes and then go into a high-stress interview.  The people who took on the high power poses were preferred by the judges, by far.  The judges didn't know what was going on, they just evaluated the candidates for the job.  Watch the video if you want the details, but it has to do with hormone levels in your brain.  So, she says, next time you're going into a high-stress performance situation where you really want to be yourself and say what you want to say, hide in a closet and stand like a super hero for two minutes.  That's it!  Awesome!

have you seen this weed?

I just learned that this weed, called Plantain, is actually something helpful!  Our lawn, after our first attempt at reseeding, remains a lovely jungle of unwanted plants, many of which seem to be worth more than I thought! This interests me in particular for use on bug bites - I get them bad.  Interesting...

Not Enjoying Every Moment...

I don't always read her blog, but whenever I do, I'm sure to laugh and sigh, thinking, so true.  A friend of mine pointed out this post to me, and it's a great one.  Another rule to cross off your 'how to be a perfect parent' list.